Twas The Month After Christmas

I found this poem someplace and since the month after Christmas is almost over, I thought I'd use it today. Also, I have to make a decision soon since my own diet starts the day after the Super Bowl. I just can't make up my mind. I need to be able to stick to it, whatever it is. Any suggestions? (No spam, please).

Twas the month after Christmas,

And all through the house,

Nothing would fit me,

Not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled,

The chocolate I'd taste

At the holiday parties

Had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales

There arose such a number!

When I walked to the store

(less a walk than a lumber),

I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese

And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...

I said to myself, as I only can,

"You can't spend a Summer, disguised as a man!"

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.

Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished

Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.

I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.

I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...

But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.

Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.